To Fear or Not to Fear

To Fear or Not to Fear

There are all kinds of fears, even those with special names like claustrophobia, acrophobia, and arachnid phobia. But this week I experienced a fear of a different kind, more of a spiritual fear that was being played out in a spiritual battle. It seems lately that when I step up to God’s plan, Satan steps in and it hurts! Now if the hurt was just directed at me I think I could handle that better, however, Satan knows where to play his trump card and that’s with my kids, even my friend’s kids!

It was only about 8 months ago when I once again stepped up to God’s plan for me to engage more fully in my speaking ministry. So I boldly said yes and charged ahead. One of my steps was to place an ad about “Trophy Of Grace Ministry” in my kids high school football program. That night I turned my ad in and in the last scrimmage, of the last play, before football season was to officially begin my son went down. I wasn’t too worried, and it seemed the coaches and trainers weren’t either. So much so, they put him on the bus to ride back home. However, my son was texting me a different story, one of pain, especially in his right knee. To make this long story shorter, my son had torn his ACL and meniscus. It was as if someone knocked the breath out of me. This was one of the bigger events that occurred during this time, but different issues surrounding each of my children kept coming up.

Not only was it affecting me and my family, but my friend who God sent to come alongside me in my ministry was having things thrown at her triplet boys. To be honest I got a little upset with God. “Really Lord, this is what I get when I step up to do your work, to reach more women for you.” I was ready to throw my towel in and go back to status quo. I told myself this wasn’t worth it. Just stay in the “safe zone”, don’t make waves, play small. I wallowed in this a while, had a pity party, even asked others to join in my party. Good thing it didn’t last long. Finally, the Holy Spirit, my husband, and perhaps my competitive spirit all broke through at once. The questions began ringing in my head, “Are you going to let Satan win?” “Are you going to walk around in fear of what might or could happen?” “Are you willing to deny what God has called you to because of some hurt and inconvenience?” My answer was NO!

That was until yesterday, as once again I had stepped up to God’s leading and plan, in helping put together a women’s conference at our church. You see my friend and I have been working hard on this for several months. Within those months, Satan once again has stepped in and it has been on the toes of our kids! Crazy things have happened. Then as the saying goes, the straw that broke the camels back came in full force, in this week of the conference. My friend’s son was playing in a soccer game and in the last two seconds went down. I’m guessing you know where this story is going, and you’re right. It looks as if her son has torn his ACL.

It wasn’t enough that I was overly tired and stressed, but now this? “How could you Lord?” So here goes the cycle again. It was at this point that I actually had some fear for my family. Then off goes my mind playing out the “fear factors” of what could happen. One of my biggest fears that rose up was for my older daughter who of all weeks is having cheer tryouts for High School. If you’re a mom and you’ve lived through the week of cheer try outs, you get this. My fear of her not making the cheer squad seemed to overtake me. It was as if it was a done deal in my mind, she wouldn’t make it. Convinced that was the destiny God had for her.

Then once again, after some quiet time with the Lord I realized that this “fear” was from Satan because God’s word tells us in I John 4:18 that “perfect love drives out fear.” I know that God is love and there is no fear in Him. So yesterday I decided to choose to not be fearful of my enemy, but to trust in a loving God, regardless of the outcome. I was ready once again to fight the good fight, to run the race He has marked out before me, throwing off everything that hinders and entangles, especially that of fear. My Lord and His calling was worth more to me than living in fear of what Satan might throw at me and yes, even my kids. My husband encouraged me and my friend to read and pray Psalm 35 together, which we did. This is a prayer from David to God for help against his enemies.

So as I am about to post this blog, I have to be honest. That fear has somewhat crept back in. I tell myself, “Maybe you should just wait to post this one after you find out about try outs.” “Maybe if you don’t step up with this one Satan will leave you and your kids alone.” Sorry Satan, not going to do it! My God is so much bigger than you. I choose to not be fearful today! Whatever the outcomes of cheer try outs and all the other events of this week, my God will see me through.