This week I had the “pleasure” of going to the doctor for my annual womanly check-up. Even after all these years of knowing what’s going to happen, they never seem to get easier. I should know by now that I will be freezing because there is no “gown” to put on. The nurse this time politely pulled out a version of a gown and laid it out on the bed as if it was a bath robe at some fancy hotel. This “gown” came in two parts, one for the top and one for the bottom. Only problem was this gown was made out of a napkin! Now, the bottom part may have been made out of two napkins. Worst part was, the gown wasn’t even made out of the fancy dinner napkin kind, but more like the dollar value brand! So, as I waited for the doctor, not only was I trying to keep myself covered but keep warm as well, all at the same time with a thin, scratchy napkin that kept sliding off everything I wanted to keep covered. Then, of course, somehow I never quite make if far enough down the table. So inevitably, the doctor asked, “could you slide down just a little more?” REALLY?!!
These yearly visits do bring with them more questions on my end for the doctor. It seems that what all my friends told me would happen after you hit forty really does! So I went in armed with a string of questions. One of my most important questions was, “why am I gaining weight and don’t have as much energy?” Of course I had done some research, which means talking to my friends over coffee and asking what kind of issues they were having. You guessed it, number one problem…weight gain and less energy. As I pried a little more, I discovered that some of my friends actually had a medical problem with their thyroid that caused this condition. And better yet, the good news was that sometimes medication could simply correct the problem. Well there I had it…my answer. So I went to my appointment, and first off asked to have my thyroid checked because I was sure that my weight gain was a medical problem and surely not an eating and exercise problem. Because if it was an eating problem, it would mean I didn’t have the self-discipline I needed to exercise more and eat less. Yes, I know that solution is better and even easier than having to take medicine for your thyroid. But it also means that I can’t blame it on a medical condition and have to take responsibility for my eating and exercising habits.
So why is discipline so hard for us, or at least me? I read a quote the other day that said, “Discipline not desire determines your destiny.” Wow, that hit me right where it needed to… but didn’t want it to!
I have such great desires that sometimes I believe I have reached my destiny, though I’ve never done a thing to get there! I find myself pondering and dreaming about it so much that I almost believe it’s real. How crazy is that? For example, a few years ago I would dream and desire to run a marathon. I could so envision myself crossing that finish line, with the crowd cheering me on. Notice I didn’t envision myself actually training for the race. Now mind you, at this point there was no running of any fashion in my schedule except chasing my four kids. Finally, I got tired of dreaming about it and had a runner friend of mine customize a running plan. This plan was for me to be ready to run the Music City Half Marathon, which is 13.2 miles. Now was the time for me to put my desire into action with discipline. I literally began by taking baby steps, my training for the first couple of weeks was simply walking. Then I progressed to actually running and with each week following came a new challenge of added miles, until at last I could run 13 miles! Finally, my desire of running across the finish line became a real destiny because of the daily discipline I accomplished each day in order to reach my goal.
Even now, knowing discipline is essential to reaching my destiny and well worth the effort, it is still tough at times, whether it’s in changing my eating and exercising habits or working on “my calling.” At times I would rather be dreaming about it, or have the easy fix, than have to get down and dirty and actually do “it!” Yet, I know that the doing, not the dreaming or desiring is how I will reach my destiny. And more than that, the journey, the process, the tasks that help get me there are vital to me becoming who Christ desires me to be.
So as the Lord has been pushing me once again to engage more fully in my ministry to Him, I know this will require some self-discipline. Don’t get me wrong, I know faith, prayer and all kinds of other things go into me reaching my destiny, however, the one for me that is the hardest is this, self-discipline. Graciously, the good Lord reminded me the other day, more like jolted me (which is what it often takes for me) in II Timothy 1:7, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.” Yep, right there it is… a spirit of self-discipline! Who knew? Well, probably many of you, it’s just that perhaps I wanted to skip over that part of the verse. So for now, I’m going to claim this verse and ask for that spirit of self-discipline to rise up so that I can “fan into the flame the gift of God which is in [me].” I know the desire is there in me, and it’s now crucial for me to add in the discipline. It will be one day at a time, adding more each day, much like I accomplished my desire to run the marathon with a well laid out plan. As my commitment to train for the marathon required some sacrifices, this journey too will require some things I must give up. However, in the end it will be worth the journey of traveling the road of discipline, more so than that of just desire, to reach the destiny God has for me.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
To Fear or Not to Fear
To Fear or Not to Fear
There are all kinds of fears, even those with special names like claustrophobia, acrophobia, and arachnid phobia. But this week I experienced a fear of a different kind, more of a spiritual fear that was being played out in a spiritual battle. It seems lately that when I step up to God’s plan, Satan steps in and it hurts! Now if the hurt was just directed at me I think I could handle that better, however, Satan knows where to play his trump card and that’s with my kids, even my friend’s kids!
It was only about 8 months ago when I once again stepped up to God’s plan for me to engage more fully in my speaking ministry. So I boldly said yes and charged ahead. One of my steps was to place an ad about “Trophy Of Grace Ministry” in my kids high school football program. That night I turned my ad in and in the last scrimmage, of the last play, before football season was to officially begin my son went down. I wasn’t too worried, and it seemed the coaches and trainers weren’t either. So much so, they put him on the bus to ride back home. However, my son was texting me a different story, one of pain, especially in his right knee. To make this long story shorter, my son had torn his ACL and meniscus. It was as if someone knocked the breath out of me. This was one of the bigger events that occurred during this time, but different issues surrounding each of my children kept coming up.
Not only was it affecting me and my family, but my friend who God sent to come alongside me in my ministry was having things thrown at her triplet boys. To be honest I got a little upset with God. “Really Lord, this is what I get when I step up to do your work, to reach more women for you.” I was ready to throw my towel in and go back to status quo. I told myself this wasn’t worth it. Just stay in the “safe zone”, don’t make waves, play small. I wallowed in this a while, had a pity party, even asked others to join in my party. Good thing it didn’t last long. Finally, the Holy Spirit, my husband, and perhaps my competitive spirit all broke through at once. The questions began ringing in my head, “Are you going to let Satan win?” “Are you going to walk around in fear of what might or could happen?” “Are you willing to deny what God has called you to because of some hurt and inconvenience?” My answer was NO!
That was until yesterday, as once again I had stepped up to God’s leading and plan, in helping put together a women’s conference at our church. You see my friend and I have been working hard on this for several months. Within those months, Satan once again has stepped in and it has been on the toes of our kids! Crazy things have happened. Then as the saying goes, the straw that broke the camels back came in full force, in this week of the conference. My friend’s son was playing in a soccer game and in the last two seconds went down. I’m guessing you know where this story is going, and you’re right. It looks as if her son has torn his ACL.
It wasn’t enough that I was overly tired and stressed, but now this? “How could you Lord?” So here goes the cycle again. It was at this point that I actually had some fear for my family. Then off goes my mind playing out the “fear factors” of what could happen. One of my biggest fears that rose up was for my older daughter who of all weeks is having cheer tryouts for High School. If you’re a mom and you’ve lived through the week of cheer try outs, you get this. My fear of her not making the cheer squad seemed to overtake me. It was as if it was a done deal in my mind, she wouldn’t make it. Convinced that was the destiny God had for her.
Then once again, after some quiet time with the Lord I realized that this “fear” was from Satan because God’s word tells us in I John 4:18 that “perfect love drives out fear.” I know that God is love and there is no fear in Him. So yesterday I decided to choose to not be fearful of my enemy, but to trust in a loving God, regardless of the outcome. I was ready once again to fight the good fight, to run the race He has marked out before me, throwing off everything that hinders and entangles, especially that of fear. My Lord and His calling was worth more to me than living in fear of what Satan might throw at me and yes, even my kids. My husband encouraged me and my friend to read and pray Psalm 35 together, which we did. This is a prayer from David to God for help against his enemies.
So as I am about to post this blog, I have to be honest. That fear has somewhat crept back in. I tell myself, “Maybe you should just wait to post this one after you find out about try outs.” “Maybe if you don’t step up with this one Satan will leave you and your kids alone.” Sorry Satan, not going to do it! My God is so much bigger than you. I choose to not be fearful today! Whatever the outcomes of cheer try outs and all the other events of this week, my God will see me through.
There are all kinds of fears, even those with special names like claustrophobia, acrophobia, and arachnid phobia. But this week I experienced a fear of a different kind, more of a spiritual fear that was being played out in a spiritual battle. It seems lately that when I step up to God’s plan, Satan steps in and it hurts! Now if the hurt was just directed at me I think I could handle that better, however, Satan knows where to play his trump card and that’s with my kids, even my friend’s kids!
It was only about 8 months ago when I once again stepped up to God’s plan for me to engage more fully in my speaking ministry. So I boldly said yes and charged ahead. One of my steps was to place an ad about “Trophy Of Grace Ministry” in my kids high school football program. That night I turned my ad in and in the last scrimmage, of the last play, before football season was to officially begin my son went down. I wasn’t too worried, and it seemed the coaches and trainers weren’t either. So much so, they put him on the bus to ride back home. However, my son was texting me a different story, one of pain, especially in his right knee. To make this long story shorter, my son had torn his ACL and meniscus. It was as if someone knocked the breath out of me. This was one of the bigger events that occurred during this time, but different issues surrounding each of my children kept coming up.
Not only was it affecting me and my family, but my friend who God sent to come alongside me in my ministry was having things thrown at her triplet boys. To be honest I got a little upset with God. “Really Lord, this is what I get when I step up to do your work, to reach more women for you.” I was ready to throw my towel in and go back to status quo. I told myself this wasn’t worth it. Just stay in the “safe zone”, don’t make waves, play small. I wallowed in this a while, had a pity party, even asked others to join in my party. Good thing it didn’t last long. Finally, the Holy Spirit, my husband, and perhaps my competitive spirit all broke through at once. The questions began ringing in my head, “Are you going to let Satan win?” “Are you going to walk around in fear of what might or could happen?” “Are you willing to deny what God has called you to because of some hurt and inconvenience?” My answer was NO!
That was until yesterday, as once again I had stepped up to God’s leading and plan, in helping put together a women’s conference at our church. You see my friend and I have been working hard on this for several months. Within those months, Satan once again has stepped in and it has been on the toes of our kids! Crazy things have happened. Then as the saying goes, the straw that broke the camels back came in full force, in this week of the conference. My friend’s son was playing in a soccer game and in the last two seconds went down. I’m guessing you know where this story is going, and you’re right. It looks as if her son has torn his ACL.
It wasn’t enough that I was overly tired and stressed, but now this? “How could you Lord?” So here goes the cycle again. It was at this point that I actually had some fear for my family. Then off goes my mind playing out the “fear factors” of what could happen. One of my biggest fears that rose up was for my older daughter who of all weeks is having cheer tryouts for High School. If you’re a mom and you’ve lived through the week of cheer try outs, you get this. My fear of her not making the cheer squad seemed to overtake me. It was as if it was a done deal in my mind, she wouldn’t make it. Convinced that was the destiny God had for her.
Then once again, after some quiet time with the Lord I realized that this “fear” was from Satan because God’s word tells us in I John 4:18 that “perfect love drives out fear.” I know that God is love and there is no fear in Him. So yesterday I decided to choose to not be fearful of my enemy, but to trust in a loving God, regardless of the outcome. I was ready once again to fight the good fight, to run the race He has marked out before me, throwing off everything that hinders and entangles, especially that of fear. My Lord and His calling was worth more to me than living in fear of what Satan might throw at me and yes, even my kids. My husband encouraged me and my friend to read and pray Psalm 35 together, which we did. This is a prayer from David to God for help against his enemies.
So as I am about to post this blog, I have to be honest. That fear has somewhat crept back in. I tell myself, “Maybe you should just wait to post this one after you find out about try outs.” “Maybe if you don’t step up with this one Satan will leave you and your kids alone.” Sorry Satan, not going to do it! My God is so much bigger than you. I choose to not be fearful today! Whatever the outcomes of cheer try outs and all the other events of this week, my God will see me through.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
