Give Yourself Permission To Fail

Cheer Try-Outs. Just reading those words may give some of you butterflies. For others, it doesn’t have much affect at all. However, we have all gone out for something, only to find out we “didn’t make it.” So what does that really mean in our lives and how can it be a positive more than a negative.

Maybe you’ve guessed by now, but I, well let me clarify, two of my daughters (though it felt as if I did it with them) just went through the week of cheer try-outs for the second time this month. This time it was with my 3rd daughter trying out for Middle School cheerleader. Daughter # 3 is a very determined girl, and more on the tom-boy side than girly-girl. She is my go-to-girl, she can make things happen and get them done. Probably my most logical child, lots of common sense. So all that said, she had been struggling as to whether or not to go out for cheerleading. She wasn’t sure if she would like it or not. Part of what she had seen was her older sister cheering (and all the fun that goes along with it) for three years and now headed into her fourth. So I’m sure that had some influence on her decision.

Both my husband and I encouraged daughter #3 to try out since she was so unsure, although telling her the opposite would’ve been easier. We explained that she would not know unless she tried, and even if she didn’t make it she would know that she gave it a try and have a better feel of what and where her niche is according to her gifts and abilities. Even went as far to share my story about “trying out” for the UT Crew Team. Let’s just say that it was extremely hard and wasn’t quite my niche, especially since I didn’t get to be the person that sat on the front of the boat and called out all the orders! Lots more details but that will be for another blog.

So the decision was made, she would try out. The first day of try outs was hard, but she came out bubbling, yet tired. I thought this was a good sign, especially since they were learning the dance! Day Two was a different story. After practicing with some other girls after the official practice, she had a melt down. Nothing was coming together. Being overly tired didn’t help, but also was the fact that daughter #3 has always struggled with auditory processing, which is taking in the words and then speaking them back out, which now they also had motions with them! Best thing was to call it a night, and let her sleep on her decision to quit. Prayers were said and then to bed.

Much to our surprise the next morning she announced that she wanted to keep going. For me, that was already a win, it would’ve been easier for her to throw in the towel at that point. Day three of try outs went even better, and it all began to click for her! The dance, the cheers and the chant were all coming together! How fun to watch the smile on her face. So after more practice that night it was time for some much needed rest for the tryouts the next day! Just writing that still gives me butterflies.

The day of tryouts, she was excited and confident! It was as if she unlocked another aspect to her character and personality. Yet, there was still another key to be turned, and this one came as she prayed on the way to tryouts in the car. Of course she prayed she wouldn’t mess up and she would make it, but the most resounding theme of her prayer was “God even if I don’t make it, I know you have another plan for me! That was enough to put me in tears right there. It was also a new part of her Christian life that was being lived out, trusting in God for His plans and purposes for her.

The results would be posted that night on the gym door, yes for all to see. Our plan was she would go with me to the school a little bit early since I had a cheer meeting for my other daughter. It was my hope that I would be out of meeting in time to go with her to see “the list.” However, since I was still in my meeting she went on ahead with some friends to find out the results. As I came out of my meeting, her face said it all, no words needed to be spoken. My heart sank and broke for her all at once. I just wanted to pick her up and let her know it was all ok, that it’s not the end of the world, to which I tried my best. But in her determination she wanted me to see “it” for myself. Daughter #3 showing her gutsy, fireball side at this point, said in her words, “I’m not sad, I’m mad.” By the time we made our way to the “list” all those who had made it were celebrating, with very good reason, but this opened up the gate for the tears to fall.

Thankfully, Bill had gotten to the school by this time.
So as she took off crying around the outside of the school he followed her and took her on home. This was probably good, so I could have my own good cry! After I made it home I wrapped her up in my arms and told her how proud I was of her and the accomplishment of trying out and reminding her that out of that whole big school she was one of the 40 that “went for it.” From here I just listened, there would be a better time to share later.

These tryouts taught both of us some life lessons. For one, it is ok to give yourself permission to fail. That may sound weird at first, I understand, because I felt the same way when my husband first shared this insight with me. It sounds wrong because we have wired ourselves to succeed at all costs. Only problem is when we do fail, we fail to recognize some important truths. We only see the fail as a failure. For daughter #3, going ahead with tryouts was a win and success even though ultimately she failed to make the squad. One of the wins was her pushing through to the very end. She realized (and so did we) she could learn all the stuff in a short amount of time. That was huge for her and us! Our “fireball” also demonstrated in a more mature way her faith and trust in God for His plan for her life. As we talked about her prayer and the verse in Jeremiah 29:11 that says, 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” From this “fail” she now more than ever wants to search out with God the plans He has for her. The really cool part in all of this is she’s moving to the next and very important part of that verse which says 12 “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD.” Now, at night before bed, she reads her Bible longing to hear God speak the plans He has for her. In this waiting time of hearing God speak, she can’t help but grow closer to Christ and in her relationship with Him. To me, that doesn’t sound like a fail, but an experience for a lifetime that has eternal value and worth!

In the end she has learned cheering might not be best suited for her and the gifts God has given her. But how would she have known for sure had she not tried. Not only does she recognize more so where her strengths and abilities lie, but she also sees where other people’s are, like her older sister’s. This experience has caused her to have more respect for her older sister and the sport of cheerleading!

I think we could all learn a lesson here, namely, that it is ok to try things, (I’m hoping you’re understanding things that are legal, moral, upright… you get the picture). I have yet to regret going out for the crew team. I know what is required and what it feels like to be flying across the water asking forgiveness of every sin if God would just get me back to the land without dumping all my crewmates in the water! I also don’t regret trying ballet in college, even though I couldn’t quite pirouette like the others across the floor. I discovered that these things were fun, but not so much for me.

So go ahead and give yourself permission to fail, this may open up a whole new world for you! The only regret you might have is why you didn’t try it earlier. Who knows, you may even discover a fresh, new talent. It may also reinforce some traits and abilities you already know about yourself, that you are gifted in, and that’s where your focus needs to stay. For others, the “fail” may push you even harder to go after “it” with gusto, not to hold back, but to strive and train for the ultimate win, that of making the “team.” Sometimes our biggest fails may lead us to our greatest success!